​What is a Narcissist?

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A narcissist is someone who displays patterns of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Not every person who is self-focused or confident is a narcissist; narcissism exists on a spectrum. However, when these traits are extreme and cause harm to others, they may fall into what is known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

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Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance and seek to control or manipulate others to maintain their self-image. They crave validation and admiration, and they struggle to acknowledge the needs and feelings of others.

 

How the narcissist pulls you in

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Narcissistic relationships often begin with a whirlwind of affection and attention, sometimes called "love bombing." You might be showered with compliments, gifts, and promises of a perfect future together. It can feel intoxicating, like you've finally found someone who truly "sees" you.

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This intense beginning is designed to quickly build trust and attachment. You may feel like you've found your soulmate, but what’s really happening is that the narcissist is creating dependency.

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How the narcissist keeps you in a relationship

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After the initial phase, the mask can slip. Criticism replaces compliments. What once felt like love starts to feel confusing and painful. Narcissists use tactics such as gaslighting (making you question your reality), silent treatment, blame-shifting, and subtle put-downs.

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This cycle of idealisation and devaluation keeps you off-balance. You’re constantly trying to get back to that "honeymoon phase," believing if you just try harder, things will go back to how they were.

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Fear, obligation, and guilt often keep people stuck. You might feel responsible for their happiness or fear the consequences of standing up for yourself.

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Signs you may be with a narcissist

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• You feel like you’re always walking on eggshells.

• Your self-esteem has dropped significantly.

• They rarely take responsibility for their actions.

• Conversations often revolve around them.

• They dismiss or belittle your feelings.

• They gaslight you, causing you to doubt yourself.

• You feel isolated from friends and family.

• They charm others but treat you poorly behind closed doors.

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How narcissistic abuse can affect you

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Living under narcissistic abuse can feel like being trapped in a hall of mirrors — you’re never quite sure what’s real and what’s been distorted. Over time, it can erode your sense of self and lead to anxiety, depression, chronic self-doubt, and feelings of worthlessness. You may lose touch with your own needs, desires, and identity, becoming consumed with trying to manage the relationship.

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You might experience symptoms similar to PTSD, often called Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), including hypervigilance, emotional flashbacks, difficulty trusting yourself or others, and a lingering sense of fear or shame.

 

Am I the Narcissist?

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It’s common for victims of narcissistic abuse to question themselves. Narcissists are skilled at deflecting blame and projecting their behavior onto others, leading you to wonder, "Am I the one causing the problem?"

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Healthy self-reflection is important, but if you’re asking yourself this question and genuinely concerned about how you affect others, it’s very unlikely that you are a narcissist. True narcissists rarely engage in honest self-examination.

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How therapy and counselling can help

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Recovering from narcissistic abuse takes time and support, but healing is absolutely possible. Narcissistic abuse therapy offers a safe, non-judgmental space where you can:

 

• Rebuild your sense of self.

• Understand and process what’s happened to you.

• Develop healthy boundaries.

• Learn to trust yourself again.

• Heal from emotional wounds and rediscover your voice.

 

Narcissistic abuse counselling provides a space to explore your experiences safely and rebuild trust in yourself and others.

 

Whether you choose therapy or counselling, working with a professional who understands narcissistic abuse can make all the difference. Recovery isn’t just about moving on — it’s about reclaiming your strength, your peace, and your life.

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You Are Not Alone

 

If anything here feels familiar, know that help is available. You deserve support, healing, and the chance to thrive. When you’re ready, I’m here to help you take that first step toward a life that feels safe, joyful, and truly yours.